So once again i'm in the blogging/rambling mood. everything has been so upside down lately and i just hope it goes back to schedule and routine when college starts. lately, i've been so tired and lazy that i can't been bothered to exercise and that makes me sad. but on the upside, I finally lifted my ass and got an internship/work experience at a solicitors office called M R LAWS. And I have to say, my first day didn't cut out to be what I'd thought. Everybody there is either twice or three times my age (i'm exaggerating but you get my point) and the shop is insanely cold. And the most repetitive boring jobs they give me like photocopying thousands of sheets, so i'm standing at the machine for an hour pressing a button, or.. you'll love this one, tipexing. Tipexing words on letters. lots of letters. So now I spend most days of the week getting up as early as 8 (heck that's like super early for me), running for and changing 2 buses, dropping my headphones, not getting time to feed my need for caffeine and last but not least, falling asleep and almost missing my stop. All just so I can go and sit in arctic temperature. Thumbs up!

Other then that, i've recently had a sudden obessesion in fashion and make-up. I mean, I've always liked make-up but couldn't apply it so i'd stick to the basics, a coat of mascara and maybe some lipgloss. I've been watching way too many gurus doing make-up on youtube that I think I've been developed into a money eater. I know every single thing about beauty, but how do I afford ALL the products? Even with my low current budget (no college, no money) I managed to go buy a £45 blazer from Zara (not my fault It had STUDS), must have spent about £40 on beauty and skin products, and like £30 bidding on ebay. On top of that, paid £40 to book my Law exam and most importantly, I am now seriously broke, so broke that I can't even pay for one driving lesson. and yes, I owe them payment. Damn. (You can't really blame me, I'm a teenager, my excuse for everything.) A nice job would do about now. Hmmmm, maybe a seasonal job.

This whole summer has been so dry, London is the most boring place EVER. I mean there were some good points but it defintely could have been better. The only thing I'm happy about this summer are my grades. I deserve a good ol' pat on the back for that one. What else can I think of? Well, college is starting in exactly 13 days? I think. I'm actually looking forward to going back and having something to do. What's scary is the fact that the day we're back, it's heavy loading time with the university applications. I am absolutely crapping myself. Everytime I think about university my mind automatically tells me "YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET IN" and I'm like what the heck man, hell yes I am. so fingers crossed. I am so ready to take on my future.

As you can tell, I'm in a very moody sort of mood right now and just ranting on about random things that I basically talk to myself about in my head. AND I almost forgot, I paid £20 for a lousy haircut! I'm too nice sometimes. Curse my loving nature. Curse it! And yeah, I just kind of said.. curses. Now I know I have problems.

kiss me, i'm asian.

here's a much needed RANDOM blog about the very little things i'm thankyou for in my life.. and the not so things that i'm keen on. please keep in mind, i'm in a state of happiness right now.

so my wonderful grateful list.
a) slogan tee's and leggings - which is basically what i wear 24/7, even though i don't mind dressing up once in a while, haha
b) being able to have a sister in a mummy form - so it's like i have both :)
c) wind in my hair on long car drives - damn it feels good.
d) being able to purchase a DVD for £3 every monday - yes, i look forward to mondays.
e) for those clumsy moments where i just have to laugh at myself
f) obsessing over things in movies that probably won't occur in real life
g) fruit - i'm a HUGE fruit addict. it's probably causing some weird damage inside me that i probably don't know of.

and my wonderful UNgrateful list.
a) paper cuts and mysterious bruises
b) emergency low battery calls
c) those major cravings for junk food where you try not to be tempted
d) creepy dolls with big eyes - it's a fear.
e) tossing and turning at night and before you know it, it's 5am and you haven't had any sleep
f) puberty and the "raging hormones" - ooooh yeah, this can totally screw you up in major ways. trust me.
g) the fact that i'm so lame.

ahhh ha. you gotta love me.
nightey night.

embrace life with a hug

I am so grateful for everything right now. It's actually quite surreal to how much my mind has changed and adapted to things around me recently. I've always been quite the thinker, i'm always lost in my thoughts. Most of us are brought up in this privileged life, in a beautiful home, with a loving healthy family, a chance for an education.. a chance for a future.
Yet why is it that some of us are not entitled to these experiences we fulfil as life? What about those who have no future because they're destined to nothing but disadvantages because they are poverty-stricken? Is it really fair to them that people like us, who take education and privileges for granted deserve to recieve such happiness, whereas there are people out there who will never get the chance to experience such things. We get up in the morning thinking about what outfit we will look good in to dazzle those we think care, or debating whether to run down to McDonalds to grab a breakfast meal or not.
There are people out there who get up first thing in the morning thanking god they're still alive, and wondering if their beloved ones have made it. They wake up to dirty water, non existing burgers and we're the ones complaining about how "unfair" life is. For you or for them?
Every step I take, every breath I take from now, I will thank god for making me worthy of being able to live a happy, fortunate life and I will pray for those who's lives I wish I could change and one day will.

what will life hold?

so i've been freaking out as usual about university. when thinking about my future, it's difficult to see what direction it will take and what destination it's going at. what frustrates me is that, the world has become so convinent that we're surrounded with choices at every single point of our lives. this can be seen as good thing as we are not pressured to go into stereotypical roles that were once engraved into our gender roles. since the world has become so advanced, we can now follow a path that we want and desire. but with so many choices, is it possible to just pick the right one without regretting afterwards? is it possible that even making the right choice can lead to consequences, mistakes? with so many options available, we may be good at more then one thing, and this creates confusion in which direction to go in.

right now, thinking about my career choices, I don't want to make the mistake of choosing something, spending years and putting blood, sweat and tears into it but then realising after that it's not what I want. I spoke to my bestfriend earlier on about the situation that we will be in a year from now, deciding a path that will either make or break our entire future. Our discussion helped both of us to realize to keep our options open. and once picking a certain course, it's nothing but determination and hard-work to pursue from that day on.

I think I will take life everyday as it comes, I don't have definite plan to how my future will go. I don't want to leave it and not think about it at all, nor do I want to plan out my next 10 years. I'm going to have a good and long think throughout this summer and next year, and let destiny do the rest.

Beckie